After the birth of the new sun, mother winter transforms into the goddess of youth, of springtime, and by May the first, the new son turns into her lover. The earth welcomes the sky into her and the physical world is seeded for the next season. What new seed do we welcome in? What new universe of vision are we weaving? And how is the ground, is it ready? Will it embrace the new panorama of moving changing sky?
I am dreaming of a space that can contain paradox. Some things can only be understood through feeling sensation. So what does it feel like to open space for possibility, for the something beyond what you have so far imagined? What if imagination is just the beginning, the threshold that leads, the doorway that births, the vehicle that carries us to open our vision on new landscape …
Balance is not about equal parts. Balance, like marriage, requires dynamic movement. So what would it take to create a space that can hold a dance? What is the quality of mind-heart required to allow a possibility of wholeness together? Yin and yang, dark and light, feminine and masculine — what is the expanse that can hold two that are different and in constant relationship motion? What is the substance of meeting and becoming?
There is no solution or final outcome. It is not about equality or measure or completion, it is about alchemy, the evolution that is stimulated by curiosity and love for something other, the kind of love that inspires one to grow towards something new and unknown.
Two parts dancing together, sometimes in harmony, but sometimes maybe fighting, maybe slipping. The dance is beautiful, in all its variations and turning. Balance is striving and messy and uncomfortable and sometimes impossible and brings epiphanies and openings and darkness and pits and fluctuations of forwards and backward motion, waves. It is reaching, and yearning, the new season of impossible possible love. Two parts dancing together, helping to define each other, pushing and supporting to grow beyond one, to become two, the necessary emergence of a third entity potential.
I am thinking about experience, the actual substance of our lives, all that our bodies reach for and touch and receive and digest and contain and repeat and grapple with and get overwhelmed by and grow with. The quality and deepest value of our lives comes from the way we experience, and to what degree we can receive and give and breathe with exchange and change. For me, it is the way of touch and movement. Real contact with the world, other people, earth, water, animals, plants, sky, sea, moon, love. And there is darkness, such pain that it seethes inside and blunts your heart and cuts your wrists. And there is loneliness, even when the sun is shining, beating you down into a tiny wisp of fog. But fight, stay with the waves of experience. It can all be held as part of the becoming.
I want to wake up and grab the sun and swallow it and laugh. Kiss. Swim. Fly. Dance! As this new season opens, with possibility and potential, and uncertainty — I ask myself, what is it to create new love, again? How can things be cycles and also spirals? I watched a butterfly dropping out of the bottom of a cocoon the other day with a tiny boy child, his eyes transfixed as blue wings landed on my arm, drinking in my pink shirt. It is these unexpected moments that juice the soul.
This spring is different than the last one, this moment is different than that one. Notice, stay here, present, don’t disappear, and if you do happen to forget or fall or feel a dark absence, fight to get back inside your life, inside the warm drum of your beating heart, to feel again.
What does the possibility of marriage bring? Marriage, in all its formations, literal or symbolic. I feel it brings new veins of courage. The pulsing of the earth and the sky together, the body and the mind joining through the heart, le coeur. Just as balance is not static or in equal measures, evolution is not a straight line moving in one direction. It looks more like fluctuating wing patterns.